The Awareness Life of a Devi

The Life of Awareness

The Life of Awareness, refound in Awareness, is a re-enlightening firebolt, kindling the divine spark of true Beingness and supporting it to fuller shining.

To live in Awareness, as Awareness, wherein and whereas we are blessed to be newly a-lived, opens up enormous creativity.

Individual life needs not to be forcefully bettered or avoided at any time, no need to leave the realm of subjective receptiveness, because individuality - even experienced as depression, the fear of death, illness, paranoia, psychosis, panic (which I so often hear labeled as bad, negative, impure or attacking from outer sources) is pregnant with awareness, which also encompasses its immediate right to be.

Once brought to Awareness by accepting and fully embodying any individually sensed emotions or thoughts - it releases us to further changes, new emotions, deeper and different experiences.

Only in seeing that all there is, is Awareness, do even sensed states of frozenness, horror, terror or groundless voids bring us to most meaningful insights.

In life nothing is ever lost. Within the Life of Awareness we are able to extend and explore past, present and future and all felt limitations, encounters, become important doors opening up to a fuller, more whole perceptiveness of what we inwardly are, including the whole of what is around us.

Invited by the ever so wise words, the deep understanding dwelling in Acharya's teaching, I find myself able to freely flourish, extend and explore self-individualisation, finding new sides, new selves of mine with no restriction whatsoever.

While being in the awareness-presence of Acharya, although far away living in another country, I am aware of constant profound support/guidance, which he is able to offer in any situation in day to day life, through and in profound silent meditation.

Acharya brought to my life the golden key to what Awareness actually is. It is in all that I see and it is my own eyes, the personal self and also beyond all that I see, feel or think.

Awareness, where we not only become, but already are what we we are - and all that is - is the ground sole meaning of Life - as I see it through my life.

Shiva-Shakti is All That Is

It is of most crucial importance to see that no human being is, in any way not a pure manifestation of Shiva-Shakti presencing. There is no moment in time, or out of this known earth-time, that is not at this very moment the potential-manifestation and manifestation-potential that is Shiva-Shakti. This knowing awareness is the very eye of my soul-being, whether aware of strangling saddening tears, stuck in a fight of painful remembrances or aware of leaning back in a stroke of sweet rapture. There has never been or ever will be a fraction of an atom, that is actualised out of a space devoid of this truth. The truth of awareness as all beingness itself. How incredibly solid, basic and obvious this truth is presenting itself, it has lost so much meaning in this world. Whether it is received as a purely intellectual truth or insight, or as a deeply heartfelt immediacy of the now, not only seekers but countless 'teachers' of the highest-truth often completely miss or repeatedly misunderstand that all the important things they point to in their teachings so impulsively and vehemently - with words like ‘God’,‘The Divine’, ‘Love’, ‘Perfection’, ‘Wholeness’ - is what they themselves and their students already presently and actually are.

The Oneness of all Bodies in Awareness

While travelling home from my mother in the bus, I had a most wonderful in-sight. In searching people’s eyes I 'received' the very same awareness-presence, which I also felt to be alive within me. There was no interest in looking at their bodies from the outside or in thinking about them. The interest lay wholly in the awareness of their eyes, revealing a shining, sparkling serenity unknown to me. The space we were manifested in felt all one – no body was separated from any. I felt godliness aware of itself in each body, continuously manifesting the flame of unity, while encompassing the whole planet. What I saw in people’s eyes was that everyone follows in silent agreement, a con-sensuous and con-sensual expression of oneness - unconsciously 'awake' in a Greater Awareness. I felt that this Awareness was the holder and beholder of all of us - yet in a deep down silence, unspoken. I felt safe, yes even protected in the immediate presence of all the different travelers. I was no more a separated traveller; all of us were travelling, surfacing the earth-body, in fulfilment of our respective individual duties and as different radiances of a mutual resonance.

Sensing the Awareness Presence of Acharya

One night, meditating a murti of Ma Kali sent to me by Acharya, I chose to close my eyes. Right at this point, where the eyelids slowly closed, between passing from sight of the 'outer' world to that of its 'inwardness', all of a sudden - without even a fraction of a second passing - in full wonder I recognised Acharya’s awareness-presence in a powerful, vivid and intense way. Nearing, reaching, approaching me - but still no gap felt, between my awareness-presence and the one I recognised to be Acharya. Me sitting there, physically localised far away from the Shiva Temple in the UK, his soul-presence extinguished all ideas, all feeling of a further of or nearer space around or within. It was all so instant, so very immediate, and this awareness-presence was at once fluid, airy and softly solidified. I was wondering from where exactly he exactly came from, finding his way into 'my' awareness-space, sitting here right at this spot. His awareness-presence and soul-warmth expanded my soul-bodily form, raising it high up to the ceiling. My hands, my back, my head, my entire felt body, grew expansively - very subtly, as air-like vibration, soul-warming and expanding.

Encounter with Mahakali

There was a time, in my early years where I meditated on a picture of Mahakali. I was so bound by her expressive power, that I hardly left the little meditation cave which was built at my work-place. While singing her name in awe, through the medium of a spontaneous self-created language - where no word besides her name had any known meaning - still I felt that this strange new language was the very language she understood. This being a language unknown to my own mind, the more so it flowed from the heart-soul, melodious and meaningful. Deeply surprised by this self-expressive art-form, I was all joy, all safe within Her light. Ma Kali received my individuality just as it was - she asked nothing from me, just my presence. Her fierce dark-red stature, dancing in wildest moves, her wide open eyes showering blazing flames, burning down all intentional, human willed-delusions. Her form was for me the manifestation of divine destruction, stabbing lies, attachments and betrayals. All out of deepest concern and compassion, she shatters the blinding walls of darkest ignorance, leaving in the river-flow of light, so bright, massive and golden, an almost touchable light.

Sitting Meditation at my Shrine

The strength and power reaching me through the murti of Mahakali sent me by Acharya is so profound that each day I feel her resonance empowering me more, staying a little longer within my beingness, moulding, forming, enlightening my being. So deeply differently an enlivening presents itself with each new meditation. I earnestly and longingly await those chosen times where I can allow myself to sit every morning, and especially at night, in and at my soul-shrine, my heart-temple. To be able to enter those deeply intimate, clarifying, most special soul-meetings are my life's true glorifications, its ever ongoing celebrations. They lead me to ever new spaces, reaching new actualities within the manifestation-potential of Shiva-Shakti. After each sitting meditation I arrive at a deeper resonance, which carries and stays with me ever further into daily life, subtly vibrating within and around me - keeping me in safety. So strong is this influence that I would not be able to meditate both murtis – those of Ma Kali and Shiva – at the same time, and Acharya’s suggestion not to do this is just what I feel right too. I will meditate Kali in the morning and Shiva at night.

Beyond the limiting ‘I’

While meditating last night, my journeying in ever in-tuning rhythms has become thrilling - ecstatic. Especially within the first moments, sitting down to meditate, it can happen that I subtly cling on to concentration, feeling an the intention to intensify the experienced awareness-expansion. Naturally this clinging-on immediately distracts from and disturbs free breathing, darkens receptivity and the flames of awareness are harder to be seen. Although it is still possible to feel soft light-waves, light-fluctuations and awareness power, this I-intrusion creates limits. Yet last night, this 'I-wish' to hold onto the intensification and expansion of awareness freed itself easily - surrendered itself quite automatically. For the first time for ages I became truly aware, of how 'stable' and safe the delicate dance-like “balance of balance and imbalance” actually is; an ever so fresh communion, free of karmic traces and filled with such thrill, I felt myself shifting into the most glorious joys. The vibrational wonder-music of the unlimited awareness universe became my own body. Such a vital, childlike anewing made me feel so loved in the Great Awareness that the 'I-consciousness habit', which so robotically covers over aware beingness, was burnt to ashes.

Kali Puja

While newly meditating Ma Kali's murti, often her image is flooded with blackness or a very dark bluishness - rhythmically spreading and turning into brighter, whitish, golden light. Back and forth breathing a huge dark space and then again a space of subtle, brighter light. Her eyes shoot red light, deep red light, so full of awareness, in a diamond carved, glittering sharpness. One time Kali's facial expression started to slowly cover my own expression. In strokes at once soft and firm, she formed my face into a fresh expression of her own immediacy. Her expression entered mine, with me strongly feeling the strokes with which she moulded my cheeks, forehead, eyes and chin, and the whole of my face. It was as if her face, caressing mine, becoming one with it. So soft, loving and at the same time so very deeply profound.

Shiva Puja

Beloved Shiva calls me deep within, leading me to kiss the ever deeper space, falling down within, in broadening and widening solitude, all safe and basic solid. Shiva murti meditation touches my silent source inwardly. I bow and listen all quietly - repeating Om Namah Shivaya - and let myself be guided through yet-unknown huge and darker 'inner' spaces, in which I feel led down, deep deep within. Mahakali, while I sing her mantra, brings me to smile ever so broadly, straightening my inner posture and bringing a most clear, vital and shining light. She is the awakener and the assurance of my beingness, confidently she embodies all of my individuality. Shiva on the other hand, is the awareness beholder of my whole existence - touching and being my deepest source. What I experience as his majestic earnestness, most tender and serenely vibrating facial expression - not yet smiling - floods out of his awareness-presence to offer me the most silent lasting peace. I drink within this silence an ever a-newing power, where he beholds each atom at its space-time-spot, eliciting new sounds of silence within this space and time, and with them new colours of light, all womb-like and hidden.

The transformations on Shiva’s face photographed by Acharya during are more than remarkable, truly amazingly powerful and telling. It shows that there is not the slightest separation, no gap to be bridged between awareness and all that is manifestly forming as the touchable and visible - which is an expressiveness of the inner sound and inner silence where light and breath meet within this actualising world, creating it every second anew, afresh and different.

After midnight, very late last night while sitting down at the shrine, it was within the very first moment - looking at my new Shiva murti from India - that all around and within this murti started to glow - incredibly vivid, all translucent and extremely fluid, thus coming to ever more radiant shining. I felt tears coming into my eyes, to finally be entering the aliveness of this new Shiva murti and the throbbing I felt on my forehead in the very first days knowing Acharya came back. While meditating, Shiva's face shifted through many very different facial-expressions, rapidly and extremely fast, while kind of a air-like, goldish-white translucent 'fabric', moving vibrating like a wind, covered Shiva's beautified, fully alive, deeply bliss-filled face. This wind-like light 'fabric' all freshly, draw over his face ever new changing, transforming into ever more shining. Some actualisations, aspects - where perceived as being purely feminine in their kind, starting to teach me directly. Shiva’s manifestation-expressions smiled softly and smiled serenity, so richly auspicious, then again infecting me to instantly laugh inside - leaving me all astonished. I wondered if within all these so clearly differing, individualised expressions, I might recognise my 'own' known face too, which I did not.

The Hand of Shiva

For the first time, after meditating my Shiva murti last night, I touched Shiva's right hand, which rests on his knee. Acharya told me that he touches Shiva's foot for some time after ending his meditative puja and that it is then that he receives, perceives and conceives the most intense, intimate, glorious and immediately life-relevant teachings. Thinking of this, my right hand touched Shiva's hand after my meditation. What I felt then was the most wonderful power overcoming me. Shiva's face grew more and more vibrating. Where was He? where was I? Where this I and where this Shiva? All within one space, one room, one heart, one soul, one time, though still so different. The Shiva murti broadened, brightened and became so much more vitally alive in an almost fleshly sense, though all as pure light and in a purely androgynous form. Such wonders of vital, new and extraordinary experiencing are touching my inner heart ever more and I feel my eyes opening up, widening and broadening from within.

My posture becomes straighter and upright, straightening from within. And while reading Acharya’s textbooks I see ever and again a golden light overflowing the pages, covering the words, and my hands and fingers engage in different mudras, guiding me to enter a deeper, more comprehensive awareness. I am completely flooded by this wonder of Shiva’s grace.

Feeling the Spaciousness of Awareness

Today while meditating and chanting Rajmu-Shiva, my soul-body grew larger, broader and very much lighter - losing the stamp of physical age. I felt myself growing stronger - from within and without, reaching and extending with a not only far more up-right posture (bodying the K-tone sound that links Kali and the bacK or RücKen in the way you describe) but also felt as if this expansion knows no bodily boundaries this body in this space-time. This body seemed to beyond-itself, each cell a whirling breathing, like an ever new little universe of its own - expanding.

Feeling myself as space itself, sides and directions of space were all one - there was 'as much' of a ‘in-front’ space as was there was behind, no less a down than an up. I could say it was all-round circling space - therefore free of sides - but for me it seemed there as this space had no ‘form’ any more at all - not even a circling form.

I see it is hard for me to find the right words – but I was also seeing this ongoing forming of things as signs or linga in the way you refer to – when a chair is not chair - but more like a continuous chair-ing?! No fixed forms to see as such, neither as space, nor as 'objects' in it. In this way came to see Shiva’s-murti too, lose its material density and melt into one form-ing along with the room, with me, with the wall – with no more objects simply standing around besides or separate from each other - but with their differencing nature continuing to presence. All felt as if it were floating as and within a warm subtly whitish light – in which differing colours softened their boundaries of red and blue and became like one 'melody' of colour, yellow and green being one 'tone' - and no more colours separate. This space and everything in it as a wave -breathing-rainbowed light.In this awareness I was reminded of a symbol which I saw painted in front of several house entrances during my travels in India - the sign of the atom. I can't say why exactly this symbol comes to my mind, seeing space loosing its commonly perceived character of being filled with objects. Maybe it is because my feeling of this constantly new forming of objects, from a freer space - a very profound 'beginning' - the point where matter first comes to light as we see it? The ‘con-firmation dance’ of atoms - in the whirling light of awareness itself. While being aware of this 'one-ing' of space with its emerging mattter, I also felt a deeper more secure emotion of being at home within this body – thus capable of a truer belongingness to all there is. Still feeling like a visiting client in the root meaning You taught me of the one who is 'called' - called to this earthly plane. Yet I felt as ‘at home’ 'here' as also 'there' in that other plane. This is ‘coming home’.

The Black Creation Womb of Kali

The 'farthest' space I have sensed and seen was deep, deep into the solitude of the immense universal body, breathing in wondrous, deepest blackness. So alive, though not cold or scary. Instead almost sweet and homely - a friendly vibrating limitless space. Within this deep-blackish space, I found myself seeing an oval-round circling whitish light - like a huge egg resting all safe within the home of darkness. Like a potential nebula, in which I imagined all kinds of different tinily small, alive rotating colourings - like a rich, fruitful dance of planets, stars, moons, suns. I was sure this egg-nebula was communing with the blackness constantly, being in profound harmony with it. There were no boundaries between the white and black-light, although the difference was enormous and striking, not only in seeing, even more so while feeling into those spaces. Distinct in its rhythm and breathing, I felt all creativity is born out of this blackness, which whilst not seeing or knowing its was itself the All-Source. The translucent white-golden nebula of beingness was there where the stars are born and 'behind' and surrounding them the ever-expanding, ever-deepening black - the no-thing-ness of pure potentiality. The sole key to all beingness. Translucently immaterial was this whole universe, held within itself – with no distance, no far and near. All was at once at home and still unending in its blackness-depth. This was such a wonderful felt envisioning, together with a knowing that 'no-thing' is at the same time all things. To see such striking differences, normally called opposites, abiding and pulsing as one - so near, in a intimate ever free and boundless embrace - was most liberating to me.

Feeling the Soul of another in one’s Body

For some days I had been feeling again a vibration on the middle of the forehead, a little above the eyes. It is powerfully deepening my awareness of the moment and of what takes place within. The throbbing feeling arrives suddenly, stays a while and again leaves suddenly. I could see a light-spiral just in front of the forehead, turning leftwars within. On the outer part of the spiral the light was bluish and the more the light-twist drew itself centre-wise, the colour changed to yellow. The light-vibration interacted, drew itself to the body. This throbbing reminded me of a situation when I was 15 - when I touched the forehead of a girlfriend who was suffering from a bad headache. While resting my hand on her forehead to soothe her tension, I felt that her entire inner life entered my own body and being. It was as if I was looking inside her from within my own being, seeing all that was present there - her whole being becoming vividly visible and intensely felt to me.

Experience of Tantric Sexuality

A sexuality completely different to what I was aware of before ... so very divine, fluid, coloured, expanding and exploring boundlessly into a space far beyond the skies. My body was became one with the space within and without, above and beyond, all at the same time. I am not sure if it was this man I was with who knew how to tap open the door for me, to experience such an expansion of awareness. What I felt was that it was not this man as a person that was the masculinity meeting me. Instead I felt that masculinity as already within me, just waiting to be called upon to expand and become one with the femininity of my physical being and body.

Heightened Awareness and Intensified Sensuality

An experience I had as a teenager. Heightened awareness, united with a dream- or trance-like field of awareness-space. The sense of touch and sight completely changed. What I was touched become all warm and fluid. Nothing I touched had a firm texture, no more hardness or softness. Instead all was fluid, my body-awareness too. All material forms melted into one form, the whole world a warm fluidity. Also smelling and breathing were deeply intensified. As when cooking milk, its smell changes through the heat given to it, so everything changed - as if it the whole world was being warmed and heated.

The Death Experience

When my dear father died I was right there after he had just closed his eyes to this seen world. I will never forget how deeply touching it was to feel and see his joy while I was standing there at his feet and head - lovingly. I was with him for three days continuously, praying and singing with him, while I, as carefully as I could - attended his new envisioning of time-space. I saw his face changing long after his physical heart had stopped its rhythmical breath. A purer and more clarified perception seemed to please his inner eye in great splendour and as it did so it shined towards me. I saw that he was meeting with a huge, incredibly beautiful and unending sky, becoming one with it, travelling and continuously passing horizon after horizon, on and on.

The death of my one-year older sister - who left this 'plane' when I was six - was for me also a deeply love-filled, naturally accepted, truly auspicious and holy miracle. While I was there with her, she resided in a unknown world, opening a door for me so I could be with her at all times. She sparkled, freed of pain and embraced by a still and calm serenity. My sister changed individuality transformed her face completely - once after the accident and then again at her death-bed. I did wonder how my sister experienced herself in such new actualities. Her face transformed became wholly different, though not strange or unknown, expressive of a completely new individuality.

To be aware that death is a birthing, fluid aliving and fulfilling of new possibilities within an unlimited universe, combining and communing the greatest potentialities with all that was, is and will be all.

Death, which often leaves some of us insecure, is nothing more than a roaming, flying, soaring and transcending in spaces where each soul-spark finds its way to ever growing nearness and understanding of Shiva-Shakti in lucid dream-reality. Vividly clearly and awarely I was gifted with glimpses of a much more peaceful, matured, and altered 'landscape' behind the curtain of dying, as I was sensing it. Again it is awareness-grace that opens the wide door through which to enter a many previous and following individual journeys of awareness.

Spatial Heights and Expanses of Awareness

Once I was transported into a far extended space, from where I could look down to earth - where human bodies looked like small figures to me, ‘en-lived' by a higher force, though of a kind of having no personal will of its own, being high above the earthly plane, and touching a space way beyond the small physical form which I called 'me' and from where this journey started. I sat all silently on the wooden floor, expanding and exploring into the high-above space, where the time schedule I knew from my day-to-day life lost all meaning. Right there, I all of a sudden reminded myself that I had to get up from the floor and move my body at some time, and to leave the room at the end of the lecture together with the other participants. Yet I felt no interest at all in moving or standing up, for why should I enter again the contracted time-space which I was so used to dwelling in all my life, like in a cage - when now I saw that life was so much deeper and broader, much more so then I ever could imagine?

Vision of Planetary Rishis

Once, in a drug-induced experience, I saw vivid pictures of planets rotating over me, dwelling in an open upper space, with each of those planets inhabited by a Rishis - elderly holy men or gurus sitting in meditation, with open eyes or closed eyes. All those wise men had long white beards, but looked ageless at the same time. Never before in my life had I imagined or conceived such a vision, but what I saw looked as if it had always been there, just I was not aware of the existence of this dimension of reality.

On Drugs

Each thankful awareness meditation leads individualised beingness to new flowering, flourishing, awakening - just right with the awareness space of this here - which is naturally, individually attuned to support further safe growth, guided from more 'awared' realms. Yet drugs hasten and overrule our system, complicate and tend to induce confusion. They might in various cases leave stupendous heaps of unfinished emotional-state-bundles, which can create tremors, trauma and shock. They may also stretch too far-off in time-space, where it can be hard to adjust again to bodying in the here and now. More and more people need and use drugs to achieve emotional senses of free awareness space, free awareness time - forgetting even to breathe. Instead finding what they most probably were searching for, wanting or needing by bodying themselves from it, drugs let them flee their everyday awareness space, leaving them ever more caught-up in disconnection from their embodied selves.

Charging and hyping ourselves with force and speed through chemical substances, all unprepared, instead of 'advancing' through slow awareness shifts, carried out within awareness - can't bring any solid stability through awareness-bodying.
Drugs, or so called ‘medicines’ are highly questionably used, which is saddening and asks for further awareness studies - soul-scientific investigations. For to enter new dimensions of time-space needs steady conscious growth and not a shooting into them.

Maybe people like Shamans who respectfully and carefully use special plants, all aware and wisely prayerful, acquire – from their gestures and signs of gratitude to the inwardness of nature’s creativity - deeper contact with it and more clarified visions. Such special devotional practices need great assistance, ask for much extra mental clarity, emotional strength and stability.

Other Persons as Portions of our Soul

Each time where non-acceptance, non-seeing, distancing or stepping-aside from other persons is enacted, their individually manifest awareness does not only outwardly mirror and reflect an aspect of our soul, but finds almost instant aliveness within it - begins to express itself instantly. I become the immediate bearer, within myself, of what I am not able to see yet, feel into, hear and listen into as the ‘other’.

Every second in which narrow judging, or even rudely stigmatising positions are taken against or towards others - these judged, stigmatised aspects of others become loud cries knocking on our soul-doors and asking us to embrace them as a portions of ourselves ...

On Pain and the Life of the Body

By allowing oneself to fully be within the space that feels hurt or irritated and by not trying to move away leaving the felt pain desolately aside, naming or blaming it as something bad, unlucky - this being within the painful 'area', resting, calmly breathing light, brings great understanding, true insight in the healing ways and power of awareness-light.

Why move out of time, rush the body's breath, blinding ourselves by the illusion of gain while trying to achieve by will, a better life than this? Why not stay put and be aware within this time of our bodyness?

By taking action for or against life, are we not saying that this life is false or wrong as it is, unfinished, unsatisfactory and that it is only through our private engagement or willed motivation to do, that all will be again become right?

Teachings

Some teachings look for an emptiness and void field -where all creation stops, all movement, all is-ness. Do you wish to enter a space where the limited form you know yourself to be caught in will lose existence - to be no more aware of feelings and thoughts. Do you wish to melt into nothingness? To go into a darkness that is empty of all your selves? Maybe you really long for this void because you are tired of powerlessness and unfulfilling experiences - maybe you wish an end to it all?

See clearly and also understand: there is, in pure awareness, a moving away from identification with thought and emotion, any thing you experience stops being 'you', but within this awareness, thoughts and emotions, things that you see - are still there. Your life actualises out of this awareness. This awareness is not empty or void! Trying to stop anything that arises out of aliveness, trying to avoid, not to see, not to feel, not to think, will leave you building wall after wall, walls that hinder pure creativity, hinder transcendence.

The space of awareness that I invite you to go in is ever-encompassing, ever-expanding, like a birthing fluid holding, shaping, be-ing you. There the problem of a stranger or an other being, or self, or a non-existence loses meaning. Even the search for personal liberation loses meaning. Seeing that life can't be minimised, emptied or lessened, certainly not through your individuality, is the insight I offer you. Know that you are safe and cared for, whether in illness/sickness, all unconditionally, by the principle of life itself, by the divine awareness.

In bodying all you feel, the awareness behind it all, as all - finds immediate release, filling, enlivening each atom of your being - as your being, as the whole world. To be fully bodied frees you of any restrictions, or caught-up emotions, and since awareness is all-being, no one that is or exists -can ever enter a total unawareness, a void that is empty.

Once while in meditation, a very strong fright may arise, where you feel to fall out of your body, not being able to 'follow' into the ever deeper, expansive space. The huge space you feel to fall in, may seem to be frightening and consuming you, emptying you. That is because you were focussed in your head, you were not fully embodied. This fear is all natural, pointing to the missing body-awareness and is there only because of it. So every time you feel limited or fear that you might fall out of your self - it is a sign of a present non-awareness, nothing else than an awareness too.

I say that God as Awareness is even more than all there is. What I mean by ‘more’ is that clear space of pure awareness, which is often seen as empty or void, which is the pool of a ever ongoing creativity, further and further exploding into manifestation, actualisation.

Perceiving more stability in what is individual Awareness, realizing that no actual disconnection, permanent halt or final destruction may ever occur in what is this self-forming individual life, whether we find ourselves in the awareness of disapproval/ignorance /misunderstanding – or physical death - all these differently perceived manifestations are only by name. They do not function as independent objects which can follow an end or beginning to what we are.

Finding awareness of opposition in what we feel, a cutting-off, or neglect in what it is that we may be aware of, is only and alone happening in what is Omnipotent Awareness. This awareness which is seeing this certain opposition or feeling neglect through us is the same as that which places awareness of opposition or feeing before us.

Awareness knows no other to Itself.

What sees within our human eyes is possible through what is omnipotent awareness, which is the bodied eye, the seeing within, without - and as the source and center of All, centering, sourcing, expressing - awareness is also what is seen. A constant sense of fulfilling unification breathes through our veins, through what is individual beingness. We are aware of that the sky's light, seen shading and blooming in ceaseless tones, the thoughts as gifting winds richening our mind, meet with felt and feeling moods, reach touchable, sensual forms.
Arising ever changing in the light of awareness, sounds, thoughts, sensing - in all there is we are home within an expansive field, enacting freedom in choosing, placing our feet to engage in and enrol what resides within the uniqueness of individuality. Individuality as a unique awareness untouched by linear time, untouched by birth and death.
Whirling, pulsing, resting – desiring - life thus seeks to draw nearer in freely chosen ways. This is what actualizes untiringly, calling for more awareness. Time as such is non-existence but finds form in past, present future - as what once was intensely felt, again may pass from us – although never parting from us, never standing alone or ceasing to be. What seems today to be our individual awareness, changes for good in growing, expansive awareness; thus we never can cast off entirely or catch hold of what this present is, what was this present and also will be one day presence for us.

Compounding the solid poise of Shiva with the wild nature of Shakti – pain and joy, suffering and pleasure, changing like waves on the shore, seeking to alter and shifting what we name ourselves to be. Still, none of what we experience ourselves to be in ever- changing activities and sensations – touches Shiva in his pure awareness nature. Shiva's gaze beyond and within - to all what is and comes to be as this throbbing universality, is the Eye – the 'whole-ing' I of the Self we are aware of to be. Serenest peace unmoved in constant bliss.

But where I am as this lonesome traveler, holding on to a part, which seems to be individual separating egoism, limiting space, when I learn to see that 'my' body, 'my' actions are none but the body of Shakti – Divinity?

When we see Ma Kali, Mother Shakti placing her feet firm on Shiva's corpse, seemingly 'dead' and untouched by her wild actions, as she enjoys traveling, responding, transforming and transcending all she releases as Shiva's Omni-Potentiality, we learn to find that we are this Shiva and Shakti – as the grounding Reality of Awareness actualizing as Beingness.

The idea that we are an I, a cut-off being, piled up with millions of other beings and other I's – objectified as trees, animals, humans, plants and also those distant worlds we have not yet been able to visit – induces the thought that those worlds are ruled by mere things, all standing apart, acting independently, alienated from one another.

We and all that is are not either formed, alived by individual will as if we were owners and possessors of our seemingly limited, stagnate and formed lives, nor are we possessed by some outer ruler God who desires to hold us tight in some victimised or enslaved fashion – letting us coldly depend on those limiting egocentric bonds we all know when we attempt to be other than what we see. Difference and variations in the life of individuals is not sign that we are fundamentally different in breathing the Omnipresent Life. There are no essentially inapproachable, alien feelings to which we are denied access. For all that is or is yet to be in the form of differences or modes of otherness has its ground in us too as the One Awareness.

Life is pure subjectivity. What we see we also are in a unique sense – there is no 'other-one' existent, or to be aware of, than what is we are based and grounded in ourselves – as ourselves – as all of us. All we perceive is grounded within, our life and what is seen is one and changing untiringly seeking bliss and deeper awareness in unity. Naming or looking for outer foes is looking for foes within – there are no beings going against us, all is seated firm as one body – Shiva expressing through Shakti.

Suffering starts as we fail to see that the I and the world is one - the arms, voices, actions, forms and all possible emotions are Shiva-Shakti arming, voicing, acting, forming, feeling and sensing in us, within this whole world.

There is this Omnipresence Awareness – Shiva – seeking as Ma Kali new awareness within all possible awarenesses, seeding them in the bliss and joy of new unification. No one is dictated, determined to join a predetermined, prefixed behavior. Life is vibrantly new at all times. Bright loving intent is what brings this life to be. It is within intention, interest, response-ability that free altering, free changing is brought to shine in more awareness, is realized as what it is....The seen and the seeing, the heard and what is hearing – the felt and what is feeling - that of which we are aware of and this what it is that seeks our awareness is one. The base and what is basing, the ground and what is grounded – means and meaning – is Shiva-Shakti. New at all times, this vibrant dancing so thrilling, while meeting no other to itself than what we are, ends for us the reality of fear of being alienated or left out.

When we look in someone's eyes, what we see shining, expressing through these eyes, is seen only out of the awareness that is all-seeing, and that which is aware of being seen, resides in continuous communion. As one Light toning unfathomable varieties, Awareness is alive, expressive in all its various tones/modes/moods/forming – but also is the centre of all.

What is subjectively thought, felt, sensed, perceived comes alone by Awareness and can't be destroyed, hindered, denied or secluded as some fractions approved of or then again not. As Awareness is All-centering, All-expressing, All-beholding, All-expanding, it brings us to be aware in various changing situations in ever new and different ways.

New awarenesses sprouting, rooted in the same One Awareness as the centre of all there is, cannot be terminated, explored or examined as separate parts of a whole, apart from us. We assume by giving names to this or that feeling, this or that thought, by stating 'it' thus to be a object apart from our real nature, we are able to oppose, approve, embrace in seclusion or terminally exclude life in its deepest sense.

Awareness, whether in thinking, sensing touch or finding taste in a sweet fruit, does not function by personal will, because you or I 'do' this tasting, thinking. It is not possible to exclude 'one' subjective awareness from the eye of 'another', since each awareness, as a different way of uniquely tasting, suffering, enjoying does not arise in an independent field where one awareness is repeatable or can be set aside as unwanted to exist... None of what can possibly be experienced sprouts out of multiple independent sources - what we see as various tones, shades of colors comes to be alone through Light.

Just as there are no colours present independent from their source as light, so also all subjective awareness reflect the Omnipotent, Omnipresence Awareness that is Shiva. Awareness is that which is seeing color and is also that which is coloring what is seen. You see yourself in the mirror and know this is not you but a reflection. You realize that your ‘I’-eye, seeing 'you' as this reflection mirrored, and the picture reflected in the mirror are two different manifestations, not the same altogether yet nevertheless interlinking/communing as one. Your reflection is not standing alone pictured, nor are you yourself standing alone as a person bringing this life to be here as by own efforts or actions. All we are and perceive is based in one ground - the Light of Awareness. That 'what' which we name in seeing and that what is actually experienced as seeing, is one.

The desire to relate, commune and connect, being aware that the life we are in is not someone's 'made' product which we can merely deny or approve of, is a 'stepping', being more bodily grounded, into a more reassuring interacting/relating within this world.

All we become aware of bears new insights within the breath of Awareness which is the sole communicator, the sole listener and perceiver - ever-newly finding answers for us, offering us new choices, freshly altering or shifting life in its myriads of magnificent forms and ways: Shiva expressing through Shakti – sa-aham. This worldly body, fear, terror, pain, sweetness, softness, denial, affection, all emanates from pure subjective awareness.

The true Self, beyond personal beingness knows no You nor I, so is also No Self. Captured by her fire- emanating Eye of Shiva, Kali plays with the guna-manifested worlds, creating and destroying worlds. Shiva forever as and in all there is, and all that can possibly be – He is All and None Alone, the All-One.